I'm not sure where to even start. I've had a lot of thoughts rambling around in my head. I will admit that although I am extremely blessed in life...it certainly didn't turn out the way I thought it would. In my plan I would get married around 20, finish college, have 3 or 4 kids, and be the coolest mom ever with my awesome husband a live happily ever after. And for everyone that knows me...there I was at 27 with no prospective spouse. However, I did enjoy my single time TO the fullest...I really don't think there is anyone out there who did as much as I did in that amount of time...but I was DEFINITELY ready to move on to the married life. And now that it is here - married life is fabulous, but I will admit that it comes with a lot of adjustment. I was definitely a self aware, confident, and purposeful woman prior to marriage. And I believe I am the same woman, but being married and an instant mom and set me a little off balance for a while. Nothing detrimental at all...just not fully myself I guess. Thinking about it today I realized that I had no ramp up, I jumped in headfirst to not only a marriage but also to being a mom...and I didn't fully allow myself the freedom to make mistakes...if I made one (and I did) I held it against myself and it tore at my self-esteem.
I think I am now finding my balance. I am taking the time to do the things I once loved. I'm on my bike again. I'm signed up to do a 40 mile ride in 2 weeks. I ride my bike to the gym and get a good workout and then ride home. Roseville is a gorgeous place to ride....SO much nicer than Vegas...and a LOT less hilly. I'm back to eating right (took a little hiatus when we got married because Edward and the kids weren't quite used to vegetables and real meals that didn't come from a restaurant). And that ALONE makes a huge difference for me...and it makes me feel great when I made Broiled Parmesan Tilapia last night and my wonderful husband said it was so good he felt like he was eating at a restaurant. He gets bonus points for that. I'm also trying to think of ways to bring my adventurous past life into mom life. I want the girls to experience adventures...so with spring break coming and then of course summer I hope that we can get outside and experience things together!
The moral of the story is that I need to remember who I am and share that with my new family. They are loving and supportive and although my life didn't turn out the way I totally expected - it came out pretty great. I have a husband who loves me dearly and does his best to support me, I have 2 girls who are sooo smart and well behaved and flat out hilarious at times. I'm truly blessed and although I was 27 instead of my planned 20....I pretty much everything I wanted.
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